When I first started at Access, it was December of 2018. When I left the position, it was May of 2019. I had this job through the most rigorous months of my senior year of high school. The timing, now that I think about it, has been strangely peculiar. As I was wrapping up the final chapter of my legally required academic career, it seemed like I was wrapping up the title of neighborhood news correspondent, as well. I was wrong on that part.

In high school, you’re constantly reminded that once your 4 years is over, you need to be on a path to a money making career. College is usually the route that people decide to go. In fact, it’s the route that most of my classmates and friends decided to take.

I decided that that wasn’t for me based on the fact that while I appreciate education and learning, I detest most of the environments in which it happens. I do understand that the perfect scenario doesn’t exist, but I’m lucky enough to have some time and freedom to find out what will come close to it. For now, that means I need to find a job to make ends meet. A lot of people do this. I’m not too worried about it.

Since I left Access the last time, I’m in this weird middle ground where one part of me is urging myself to just stick to the college formula that’ll guarantee myself a better sense of stability and save me a lecture from my family. The other part says that I need to teach myself things that college never could. I’m leaning more towards the second part. And although there’s little success that can be guaranteed, the last thing I wanted to worry about in my 20s was hundreds of thousands of dollars of student loan debt.

Realistically, I’d probably go to college. I’m honestly still considering it.

Between the time I’ve graduated high school and now, I’ve been to 5 job interviews and haven’t gotten a callback for a single one. It’s frankly been a little discouraging, given that I put so much faith in not going to school.

All I want is a part-time job, not the world, for goodness’ sake.

Two months isn’t too much time, but it’s enough time to recognize that the state I’ve been in has been confusing, infuriating, and very unclear. It’s not the end of the world, but I need to find something that’ll help me find what I’m supposed to do. Nothing feels particularly fitting at the moment, so that’s the most I can say for where I’ve been since the last time I was at Access.